The Funniest Justice: Antonin Scalia

The oral argument season is officially over, which means it’s time for a final laugh tally and the crowning of the October 2007 term’s Funniest Justice!

No drum roll needed here: As predicted, the winner by a long, long shot is the ever-amusing Justice Antonin Scalia.

By DC Dicta’s count (according to oral argument transcripts) Scalia drew a total of 74 laughs this term - more than 3 times the number of laughs the next funniest justice - Chief Justice John Roberts, Jr. - received. He made the crowd laugh 18 times in the last two weeks alone.

Here is the final tally of the Court’s laugh-getters. In a related note, Justice Clarence Thomas managed for the second year in a row to avoid asking a question or making a single comment - much less cracking a joke - during oral arguments all term:

Justice Antonin Scalia: 74
Chief Justice John G. Roberts, Jr.: 23
Justice Stephen Breyer: 21
Justice David Souter: 17
Justice Anthony Kennedy: 9
Justice John Paul Stevens: 7
Justice Samuel Alito, Jr.: 4
Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: 4
Justice Clarence Thomas: 0

Breyer finds his funny bone

Oral arguments have concluded for yet another month, so it’s time again to consult the transcripts to find out who, so far this term, is the funniest justice.

Those who have been keeping track know the answer to this already, since Justice Antonin Scalia has had a dramatic lead in this category all term, pulling in more laughs so far than the next three funniest justices combined.

But Justice Stephen Breyer seems to hit his comic stride, garnering just as many laughs as Scalia in the month of March, and passing surprisingly-funny Justice David Souter in the rankings to pull into a second-place tie with Chief Justice John G. Roberts, Jr.

Here’s the tally so far this term:

Justice Antonin Scalia: 56
Chief Justice John G. Roberts, Jr.: 17
Justice Stephen Breyer: 17
Justice David Souter: 16
Justice Anthony Kennedy: 9
Justice John Paul Stevens: 7
Justice Samuel Alito, Jr.: 4
Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: 3
Justice Clarence Thomas (silent as always during arguments): 0

Scalia: ‘Constitution does not morph’

Just in case anyone was unclear about Justice Antonin Scalia’s views about whether the Constitution “lives,” he made himself perfectly clear last night during a speech at the University of Central Missouri.

“The Constitution is not a living organism,” Scalia said, reports the Kansas City Star. “It’s a legal document that says some things and doesn’t say others.”

“The Constitution does not change,” Scalia said. “It means today what it meant when it first was written. … It does not morph.”

He eschewed the idea of a “living Constitution,” saying that changing the document’s interpretation to fit the time would lead to the erosion of the rights specifically enumerated by the Founding Fathers.

“It will produce what the society at the time likes,” Scalia said. “Sometimes it will grant some rights. Other times it will take some away.”

Of course his address was not without humor. The Court’s funniest justice by far (according from our unscientific tally) had this to say when asked which member of the Court, living or dead, he’d like to dine with: “I have dinner with Ruth (Bader Ginsberg) once a year, and I certainly wouldn’t want to have dinner with a dead man.”

The funniest justice: Scalia is still funny

February oral arguments are over, so it’s time for our monthly check on who, so far, is the Supreme Court’s funniest justice.

Neither the order of funniness nor Justice Antonin Scalia’s commanding lead has changed since last month. But the race for second place is getting tighter and tighter. Justices David Souter and Stephen Breyer got some laughs this month, and are catching up to Chief Justice John G. Roberts, Jr., who didn’t grab any laughs over the past two weeks.

Here are the current standings, reflecting the number of laughs each justice has earned so far this term (according to DC Dicta’s review of Court transcripts):

Justice Antonin Scalia: 51
Chief Justice John G. Roberts, Jr.: 14
Justice David Souter: 12
Justice Stephen Breyer: 12
Justice John Paul Stevens: 6
Justice Anthony Kennedy: 6
Justice Samuel Alito, Jr.: 3
Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: 2
Justice Clarence Thomas (silent as always during arguments): 0

Judge taps his inner Letterman

Look out Justice Antonin Scalia - there is another judge who knows how to get some laughs from Supreme Court cases.

Nebraska U.S. District Judge Richard G. Kopf, clearly not a fan of some the high court’s recent decisions on criminal sentencing, made a David Letterman-style “Top 10″ list jabbing at the Courts’ rulings and posted it on the blog of the Ohio State Journal of Criminal Law.

“As a district judge, I read with interest, and even tried to follow, the Supreme Court’s sentencing opinions in Apprendi, Blakely, Booker, Rita, Kimbrough and Gall,” Kopf wrote on the blog*.  “With tongue partly in cheek, here, in descending order, are the top ten things I learned from those missives:”

[DC Dicta would insert drum roll here]

10. Following the Court’s approach, always put off to tomorrow what you can do today.

9. You don’t need experience in actually sentencing people in order to totally screw up the law of sentencing. It is telling and painfully obvious that not a single Justice ever had to look a federal defendant in the eye while not knowing what law to apply.

8. Footnote 9 in Blakely (”The Federal Guidelines are not before us, and we express no opinion on them.”) is the biggest practical joke in the history of American law. See lesson One below.

7. The “merits” and “remedial” opinions in Booker satisfy George Orwell’s definition of “Doublethink.” That is, the two opinions, and Justice Ginsburg’s swing vote to make both the law, reveal “the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one’s mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them.”

6. Never impose a sentence that is too harsh or too lenient. To quote Baby Bear, make it “just right” or, perhaps more importantly, to satisfy Justice Breyer, make sure it is just “reasonable.”

5. Some sentencing judges used to take the Supreme Court seriously, but that got harder and harder beginning with and following Apprendi.

4. In an Ivy League sort of way, it makes sense to address the “crack” question fifteen years after everyone else knew something was terribly wrong. See lesson One below.

3. Justice Scalia’s dictum should be rewritten this way: The rule of law is the law of rules except when it isn’t.

2. Sentencing judges can be divided into two groups-those who are damn sure they’re right and those (like me) who have no clue.

1. There are a lot of really good, hard-working people “in the field” plus tens of thousands of defendants who deserved far better than the seven years of “water boarding” that ensued between Apprendi and Gall.

*Despite the fact he posted the list to a blog, being a federal judge, he still listed his preferred law journal-style citation for the funny list, and we will comply: Richard G. Kopf, The Top Ten Things I learned From Apprendi, Blakely, Booker, Rita, Kimbrough, and Gall, OSJCL AMICI: VIEWS FROM THE FIELD (January 2008), at http://osjcl.blogspot.com.

HT: Legal Times, BLT

The funniest justice: It’s not Souter, but he’s funnier than you think

With yesterday’s wrap of January oral arguments, it’s time for an update on our “funniest justice” tally. And the results are as expected: no one keeps ‘em howling like Justice Antonin Scalia.

This term Scalia has caused the crowd in the Supreme Courtroom to laugh a whopping 38 times - three of which came in a single exchange Monday over the right of federal employees to conduct searches of people’s homes.

Scalia is so far ahead in the funny race that the real contest is for second place. Keep an eye on surprise funnyman Justice David Souter, who continues to nudge forward, this month passing the outspoken and often amusing Justice Stephen Breyer. Here’s the laugh count for the other justices to date:

Chief Justice John Roberts, Jr.: 14
Justice David Souter: 10
Justice Stephen Breyer: 9
Justice John Paul Stevens: 6
Justice Anthony Kennedy: 4
Justice Samuel Alito, Jr.: 3
Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: 1
Justice Clarence Thomas: 0 (more on him in the next post).

Nino the comic

If Justice Antonin Scalia ever grows weary of being in the judiciary, a second career as a comic could be an option for him according to DC Dicta’s latest survey of official court transcripts, which shows that so far this term Scalia is “The Funniest Justice” by a long shot.

After yesterday’s oral arguments - the last of this month - Scalia has made the crowd in the courtroom laugh a whopping 28 times. Chief Justice John G. Roberts, Jr. is still in second place - now distantly - with 11 laughs.

But there has been some movement in the rankings since last time: Justices David Souter and Stephen Breyer both have eight laughs apiece now, and both have passed Justice John Paul Stevens, who drops from third place to fifth place with six laughs, as he didn’t crack anyone up this month.

Justice Anthony Kennedy has four laughs, Justice Samuel Alito has two, and although DC Dicta swears it heard Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg make two funnies on Tuesday, the official record reflects only one, and that is the number we must use in our nowhere-near-scientific survey.

The ever-silent Justice Clarence Thomas has still not uttered a comment or question this term.

At the Supremes: Laughs, opinions, and lively debate

Today was as busy day inside the Supreme Court building. 

But before we get to the news of the day, here is a quick update on The Funniest Justice tally. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is now on the board! Ginsburg made the crowd in the courtroom laugh not once, but twice today. Now only the ever-silent Justice Clarence Thomas has yet to make a funny comment - or any comment - this term. On Thursday DC Dicta will give a complete update on exactly how many laughs each justice has earned so far this term. (Here’s a hint: Scalia’s still way ahead).

In other Supreme news, the Court issued its first two full opinions of the term, which were both unanimously decided:

In Logan v. United States, No. 06-6911, an opinion penned by Justice Ginsburg, the Court held that the “civil rights restored” exclusion of the provision of the Armed Career Criminal Act’s sentence-enhancement provision does not apply in cases where a defendant’s civil rights were never lost.

The Court also ruled in CSX Transportation v. State Board of Equalization, No. 06-1287, that railroad carriers may challenge formulas used by the state to valuate railroad property under a federal statute that bars states from discriminating against out-of-state carriers. That opinion was authored by Chief Justices John G. Roberts, Jr.

The opinions should be up on the Court’s website sometime today, and when they are, you’ll be able to find them here.

The court also heard lively oral arguments in the cases of Riegel v. Medtronic and and Snyder v. Lousiana. DC Dicta will have more on those later.

The funniest justice: Alito’s on the board!

Today the Court heard its last oral argument until after Turkey Day, so it’s a perfect time to check in on who is, so far, The Funniest Justice.

But first, DC Dicta must apologize for an omission in the previous two tallies of which justice makes the crowd laugh the most. Somehow, we forgot to include esteemed Justice Samuel Alito. DC Dicta is sincerely sorry.

The likely reason for the oversight: he hadn’t made anyone laugh. That is, until this week!

During oral argument in Department of Revenue of Kentucky v. Davis, Alito made a funny, and is therefore officially on the board (we’ll give an assist to Justice David Souter, who gave Alito the lead in. Check out the transcript here [PDF file] to see what we mean - page 6).

Meanwhile, with each passing week, Justice Antonin Scalia’s lead grows, but the race for number two is still anyone’s game. Here is the breakdown of how many times each justice has made the crowd laugh at One First Street, NE, so far this term:

Justice Antonin Scalia: 17
Chief Justice John G. Roberts: 8
Justice John Paul Stevens: 6
Justice David Souter: 6
Justice Stephen Breyer: 5 (A figure DC Dicta finds surprisingly low, but our money is on him inching higher as the term progresses).
Justice Anthony Kennedy: 2
Justice Samuel Alito: 1
Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: 0
Justice Clarence Thomas: 0*

*He doesn’t say anything, except whispers to Justice Breyer, whom he cracks up on a regular basis.

The funniest justice: an update

Apparently not liking the feel of Chief Justice John G. Roberts, Jr. breathing down his neck in the comic contest, Justice Antonin Scalia turned up the funny this week, creating a solid lead to protect his title of “The Funniest Justice” so far this term.

According to official transcripts, as of the close of oral arguments this week, Scalia’s comical comments have caused the crowd in the Supreme Court to laugh nine times since the term began a month ago. Roberts is still in second place with five funny cracks. Justices John Paul Stevens and Stephen Breyer have each made four chuckle-worthy comments, while Justice David Souter has made three. Justice Anthony Kennedy has made the crowd giggle once. Ruth Bader Ginsburg has yet to crack a joke.

Justice Clarence Thomas is also not officially on the board, but he gets and asterisk here because although he has not made an official on-the-record statement since the October 2005 term, he kept Breyer in stitches Tuesday during oral arguments in the case U.S. v Williams, whispering and laughing with his bench neighbor several times.